The Court Of Curiosity

I had a thought this morning.

There wasn’t a big reveal or anything, but a small feeling of happiness. I woke up this morning from a deep sleep. I did a morning meditation, had my spearmint tea, a kiwi, and a protein shake (I’m tryna get in my 30 grams of protein and my fiber). 

I saw myself in the mirror and was actually impressed with how I looked (this is usually not the case). 

I don’t think I looked different from the day before, I didn’t weigh less, and I didn’t have any new muscle definition. I think it might have been a recognition of effort? I don’t know what it would be called. 

Yesterday, I hit my 10,000 steps. I went to the gym. I got my run in. I did yoga in the evening. I ate my meal-prepped food. I spoke to myself with kindness. I connected with my family. On the outside, it might look like a regular day, but it was a pretty good day for me, especially in this season of ‘The Great Lock In’. I’ve been focused on keeping up with my habits/routines and showing up for myself in a way that makes me proud, and I think my brain is beginning to recognize my ‘effort’ and therefore appreciating me in my body right now.

 I often suffer from body dysmorphia. There are times when my perception shifts, and I see myself transforming before my eyes in a way that doesn’t feel good. I notice that distortion with painful clarity.

This morning, I wondered: why can’t I notice my pride with the same intensity? Is there a term for this—the ability to see and feel the positive results of your own care, the same way you feel the distortions?

I’m really not sure about the science behind this, but what I do know is that today, I am proud of myself. I am happy with the work. And most of all, I look forward to continuing to give myself this same effort because I deserve it.

Thanks for reading. Love ya!