The Court Of Curiosity

I guess this is my first official post. Well not my first but the one after I introduced myself. Maybe this should be titled, Number 2. We’ll see if anything changes. I don’t think I can stick to a one-time-a-week schedule and expect to be consistent. Realistically, it won’t work for me. I need to do this shit every day. I don’t think I will post something every day. That’s wild. I do need to write something everyday though. I’ve been journaling. I want to be a journal-every-day-girlie pop. It works better if I do it during my morning routine because I don’t have to think about it for the rest of the day.

On this journey that I am on, I realize that I get really excited when I do the things that I say I will do. So, my first blog post made me feel so proud of myself, then I picked up my camera. It’s like I’m riding the high that feeling. I don’t know. This is what I want to do. I want to try.

I feel like I need an escape that isn’t YouTube or my phone. I recently finished this book I had for years. It was ‘Akata Woman’ by Nnedi Okorafor. It was the last book in the trilogy and I enjoyed it. I decided that I would listen to another book that I hadn’t read yet. 1 page in and they were talking about slaves being killed and thrown overboard to the sharks… I had to stop. This is why I’ve been reading mostly smut. I don’t always want to be reminded of the pain that black people faced. Even in fiction, it tends to come up a lot and it can be so tiring. I’m currently reading ‘She Who Knows’ by Nnedi Okorafor ( I obviously love her work) but I’m taking my time and definitely mixing in other things (I’m trying to finish the One Punch Man manga since I don’t know if they plan on releasing any more episodes)

This is supposed to be a time of rest as a black woman in America. Resting is hard though. How do you rest while you are living in a hell hole? The world seems to be crashing down around us and I’m just here trying to live a peaceful life. It doesn’t work. I’m miserable. Everyone around me seems miserable. That’s why I decided that I need to leave. Maybe not forever but definitely for a bit. I need to be able to have a better quality of life so that I don’t have to operate from a sense of anxiety. I want to be able to travel and still save money. I want to be able to explore new hobbies and stuff. I want to be able to get good quality healthcare and not worry if I’m going to have a $69,000 bill. I want to be able to have my own space and not have to sacrifice my safety or comfort. I don’t think it’s too much. I think expecting to be able to work AND live is normal. We’ve just been conditioned to think otherwise.

Anyway, today is Valentines Day. I’ve been single for so long I don’t have many thoughts. Gym and then designing Instagram stories and shit later.

Bye. I love you 🤎✨