The Court Of Curiosity

You know, I do this thing where I have an idea and then I overanalyze it until I end up giving up. It’s a constant cycle. I make these rules for myself that make no sense, and then I fuck it all up and then end up not doing anything…. because I’m not following the rules… that I made (and can therefore change) but also don’t make sense?

I told myself that my blog would be for my free writing. If I think about something that I want to make a blog post about, I would just do that. Then I told myself that I could only post once a week (WTF?!), and then I told myself that every post has to be meaningful in some way. What the actual fuck is wrong with me? I do this ALL THE TIME! I’m really just over myself. The barrier to entry for this form of creativity is so low but I somehow found a way to raise the bar for myself to make it unattainable.

My self-sabotage comes at me in waves. There are days when I feel unstoppable! Nothing can get in the way of me and my goals but sure enough, sooner or later, the self-sabotage creeps in my head and makes me doubt myself. It makes me think that I’m doing everything wrong and need to completely change everything. It’s exhausting.

I’m happy with the fact that I can identify it. This is progress for me. Anyway, I’m just going to make these posts as much as I can… because I want to.

I hope if you read this, you’re having a good time and living the life you want and feel you deserve. Talk to you soon. Bye 🤎✨