The Court Of Curiosity

This is my second attempt at starting a blog. I don’t know why I feel… “called” to write a blog but here we go. I don’t have a background in this. I don’t even really know what I’m doing. All I know is I can’t get this thought to start a blog out of my head. It’s been YEARS! I’ve been able to ignore it for a long time but yeah, here were are.

Do you believe in ‘seeing signs’. Like the whole universe aligning and trying to show you the way? Give you guidance? What does that feel like for you? For me, it can be a nagging feeling that you can’t really put a feeling on. It can feel like, looking at someone doing something and imagining yourself in their shoes. I can feel like, waking up in the middle of the night, with cold sweat thinking that ‘this can’t be all there is, there has to be more, I have to be more’. That’s what I’ve been dealing with for the last few years. I’m someone who you may consider as “safe”. I have a safe job, I do safe things, I stay in my lane and don’t really try and disrupt the flow of things. The thing with that is that I’m not happy though. That was an unfortunate truth I had to admit to myself. I’ve spent my life doing all the things that I thought were ‘right’. The things that I felt like I had to do for other people and now I’m just miserable. This is not a unique circumstance. I’ve seen many stories of people dealing with similar things so here I am just throwing my own story out there.

I currently live in Florida. Boy oh boy. I live with my mother and sister. I have a remote job where I work in the accounting department and I do the same thing every day. I’m a homebody. I like being inside. Florida is not somewhere that I really feel safe or anything. I actually just heard a story yesterday of someone getting stabbed 5 times in a bar not far away from where I live. What? How is that normal? I go to the gym, grocery shopping and the library. I don’t really have any hobbies that I can afford so I just stay home. I enjoy reading, anime, manga and chilling with my two cats; Mordecai and Faucette.

I want a different life. I want to be living a different life. And that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been putting in work at the gym. I recently lost 5 lbs and 2% body fat. This is amazing since I haven’t been able to lose body fat in years. I definitely have a lot of work to do but this was a highlight of the efforts I’ve been putting in. I’m also doing the Google PM course. My goal is to just be able to use this and other skills that I have to get a new job. A fully remote job. I need one so that I can move to Thailand. I want to move over there and see what’s up. Why not?

Well, I think that this is all I want to get into today. I paid for this. I paid for a year on this website and I’m going to challenge myself with consistency. This is a lot easier than making videos on YouTube; which is something else that I want to do. I just want to express myself and build a community of like-minded people. I don’t know. It’s something that I can’t stop thinking about. Anyway, bye! I love you 🤎✨